I watched The History of the Eagles



7:49 pm
After retrieving Chinese takeout and two bottles of bottom shelf Rose, I start the documentary.

7:54 pm
I put the documentary on pause and pack a bowl.

8:03 pm
I notice Glenn Frey looks like a less hot version of Gram Parsons.

8:08 pm
Apparently, The Beatles were a huge influence on The Eagles. I AM SHOCKED.

8:13 pm
Don Henley is friends with Bob Seger. Somehow this makes total sense to me.

8:18 pm
A CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH KENNY ROGERS. It was thirty seconds later when I realized I confused him with Kenny Loggins. This happens a lot I am guessing.

8:20 pm
Jackson Browne is talking. All these men make me want to drink Miller Lite and I don’t know why.

8:26 pm
I realize I have a huge crush on Linda Ronstadt.

8:29 pm
THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT THE FLYING BURRITO BROTHERS! You should probably know they are one of my favorite bands and I feel like they are often overshadowed by the group of men they refer to as The Eagles. There are several connections between the two bands, but Bernie Leadon is the main man.

Leadon recorded two albums with the Burrito Bros. and then tuckered out looking for fame. He is credited with helping form The Eagle’s country-rock sound, but a lot of credit should actually be given to Gram Parsons influence. This is largely where my anger for The Eagles resides. That, and I love the scene in The Big Lebowski when the dude tells the cab driver he’s had a bad night and he “hates the fucking eagles, man!”

8:30 pm
I notice that Jackson Browne looks like Anthony Kedis.

8:30 pm
A naked woman appears dancing on the screen and my eyes can’t look away from her 1970’s bush.

8:40 pm
I realize I am out of pot. They start singing “Take it Easy” and I am walking around my kitchen snapping my fingers and moving my hips. FUCK.

8:43 pm
They go to Joshua Tree to do peyote. First of all, very original. ALSO, WAY AHEAD OF YOU CAST OF ENTOURAGE!

8:45
EAGLE! EAGLE! The band got their name while they were doing drugs in the god damn desert?!? Okay, that’s pretty cool. I love Joshua Tree.

8:47 pm
A DENIM DREAM. Glenn Frey now reminds me of Russell Hammond. I can always watch Almost Famous.

8:50 pm
They all want to be cowboys. They all want to be the Burrito Bros, actually. I really like the word ‘outlaw.’

9:01 pm
I’m really mad I’m so into this documentary. Apparently, they would fill the bath tubs up with Budweiser after every show. This doesn’t surprise me, but they still make me want to drink Miller Lite.

9:15 pm
They want Joe Walsh for Bernie Leadon. Who is this guy who looks like a mix of David Foster Wallace and Jay from Mallrats though? Oh yeah, it’s Joe Walsh.

9:18 pm
Joe Walsh is the king of room trash. $28,000 worth of damage. They wanted respect as rock and rollers. Insert obvious eye roll here.

9:21 pm
I realize Joe Walsh also looks like Jeff Spicoli. And now I want to watch Fast Times.

9:26 pm
I learn the song “Hotel California” is about the journey from innocence to experience. A reaction to what was happening to them at the time. I don’t think I’ve actually listened to this song all the way through. Also, who puts out a 7-minute single? I am starting to become impressed.

9:29 pm
They began to accustom their writing to the concept/theme of what “Hotel California” was about. Targeting the American Dream and the American Nightmare. I am starting to respond to their depth.

9:37 pm
RANDY IS IN TROUBLE. PLEASE HELP RANDY HIT THE HIGH NOTES.

9:40 pm
Bye Randy. BYEEEEE.

9:45 pm
Cocaine brings out the worst in people? SHUT UP I DON’T BELIEVE YOU.

9:55 pm
The Eagles break up. Life in the fast lane, am I right?? Looking at the Eagles as a representation of 70’s California, and what was happening at the time makes them significantly more interesting to me.

10:04 pm
A second chance. They look very different in 1994.

10:07 pm
Wasn’t there a chapter about the Eagles in American Psycho? No, Lilly. That was Huey Lewis and the News. Don Henley had a cameo in Jerry Mcguire? I am learning so much.

10:14 pm
Joe Walsh ended up an alcoholic and very fond of cocaine. I AM SHOCKED. Why is he looking at his reflection in a fucking puddle and being emo?

10:17 pm
Joe Walsh on drugs and a blue windbreaker. YEESH.

10:21 pm
They got back together to sit on stools. I am, once again, mad at myself for how much I am enjoying this documentary.

10:27 pm
I FORGOT “LOVE WILL KEEP US ALIVE” IS ONE OF THEIR SONGS AND NOW I JUST WANT TO LISTEN TO DELILAH BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP.

10:29 pm
I notice older Glenn Frey is handsome in the dad-from-the-Disney-original-movie-Smart-House kind of way.

10:41 pm
No drugs or alcohol, you guys. Let’s be serious. I keep thinking Don Henley is Brian Wilson. HE WISHES.

10:44 pm
Is this the whitest band in America? They probably all play golf. #stuffwhitepeoplelike #vanilla #wonderbread

10:54 pm
The first band to go directly to a commercial retailer, Wal-Mart, and bypass the record companies. I believe this is what is referred to as a ‘good pairing.'

11:00 pm
I begin to wonder how they’ve continued to stay so relevant and popular. And then I get it. Their fans still want to fly with The Eagles down memory lane. They represent a chapter in people’s lives. It feels like yesterday. They are an air of nostalgia that people like to breathe.

11:06 pm
It is absolutely worth noting that as soon as this documentary was over, Netflix recommends I watch Dear White People. This does not seem like a coincidence.  




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