The Same Bed
He doesn’t know I’m awake and that I’m thinking about his hair. His oil black hair and how my hands would feel running through it.
When our toes met underneath the covers I feel my body whimper. I have an urge to gently move my cold body towards his, but this goes unseen and remains useless in the black light of the hour. I wait for my heart beat, moving quietly without skipping a beat as if expecting her to speak.
His snoring sends waves swimming through my spine. I toss and turn. I feel my mouth smile. My eyes shut tight as if trying to making sense of how we got here.
I tell myself we are just two people sleeping in the same bed. And then I wonder when it becomes more than that.
If I thought to move my body closer to his and wrap my arm around his stomach, I also thought his body might push me away. As if everything I touch immediately turns to sand.
If he is dreaming, I wonder what he is dreaming about. I am laying still, wishing for heavy eyes. I dream of nothing.
There are dog sounds passing through. She is unable to sleep as well. I can hear her paws circling near the bed looking for rest.
I left my phone downstairs. There is no clock in the bedroom. I have all the time in the world.
There are moments when I feel myself watching him sleep. The way his hair will look in the morning. The way my hair will look in the morning. I think about the last time I slept in the same bed with someone. Three years ago. I am still awake.
I am slowly watching the night turn into a morning. I am patiently waiting for the sun to rise.
There is the gray light of the fresh morning coming in through the bedroom window. The air tastes dry. We are both awake.
You definitely still snore, I said. We laugh. I’m so sorry, he said. My head is aching for a good night sleep.
I am sitting up on the bed and looking at the pale yellow walls of the room. The bookshelves lined with children books. The plastic toys lining the carpet. Our backs are facing each other.
It is a different day. We both know last night has already disappeared.