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There Is No Normal

(This is a drunk movie review of the 1995 film Angus.)

4:45 pm I poured my first glass of wine. A Cabernet Sauvignon. Yellow Tail. Nothing but class in this household. Obviously, I bought two bottles. Never trust anyone who invites you over for a glass of wine and only has one bottle. FOR TWO PEOPLE.
5:40 pm I just packed a bowl and poured my second glass of really expensive bottom shelf wine. You should know, things have been kind of a bummer lately and I decided to today I needed to drunk review my favorite movie of all time, Angus. I’ll probably cry a lot because I always do. (side note: this 1995 classic is about a fat kid who is good at school and fair at football. He is a freshman in high school. He has a crush on a cheerleader named Melissa, the girl from Jurassic Park, and a dorky friend named Troy. There is obviously a bully who is a quarterback and guess what? IT IS JAMES VAN DER BEEK. Enough already, I fucking love this movie. It’s basically my MO.
5:50 pm I will forever love tha…

John Travolta is a Fuckboy!

I got drunk and reviewed Saturday Night Fever.  This is what happened.

7:20 pm Full disclosure: before I start the movie, this will be my third viewing of Saturday Night Fever. This movie is disturbing to me on several levels, which will announce themselves throughout the review. If your argument includes defending the soundtrack, all that tells me is that you have an affinity for disco and I have nothing to say to that.(Side note: to provide you with more context, this film was released in 1977. John Travolta was nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role. His character’s name is Tony Manero. HE IS A FUCKBOY.)
7:24 pm I press play. Also, I’ve already had half a bottle of red wine.
7:29 pm YOUR WALK IS RIDICULOUS, JOHN.
7:30 pm Already way too many shots of his shoes.  (side note: I always forget he works at a hardware store. Probably the only thing the redeemable thing about his character.)
7:31 pm STOP LOOKING AT WOMEN’S BUTTS, JOHN.
7:34 pm LET ME JUST STAND IN FRONT OF THIS MIRR…