Posts

Showing posts from June, 2014

Fifteen

“I’ve liked you since we were 15,” he said.
A clear manipulation.
That’s the thing about still talking to people who knew you when you were 15 years old. They have a kind of power overlooking the person you’re trying to become.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“I always thought you were beautiful.”
Says the man trying to convince me to have Skype sex.
This is what happens when you’ve been single for a long period of time. I started talking to him again and now I am drunk, with the possibility of nudity, on camera.
“But you were all about Jay,” he said. “Always talking about having sex with him in your Volvo.”
I felt like an icicle during the middle of summer. He has always had his own way of making me feel like a hollow puddle.
Once I remembered how to speak I tried to tell him he was full of shit.
“I—what? I don’t recall the Volvo ever enhancing my sex life.”
Why did he bring up Jay? Why do I have to talk about this?
“That was over ten years ago,” I said.
I tried to yell. I tri…

Let's Clear the Air.

Two weeks ago I fell in love: with myself.
I met an old friend for beers, exchanging small tears and long laughs.
I woke up the next morning uncharacteristically happy. I woke up not pretending, clearing the smoke from my eyes and liking what I saw.
I’ve always considered myself a self-aware and honest human being, perhaps a touch self-deprecating without much regard for how it affects my wellbeing.
I am in ‘too truthful a mood’ today and wish to confess my inability to keep my shit together after hosting a party. I noticed on both occasions people were leaving around the same time. My emotions at that point were drunk and compromised. I turned to the needle.
Hank Williams was in the room with me, singing to me as I cried on the hardwood floor. I turn inward, become ungrateful and unabashedly hard on myself. I think about how I’ve been sleeping alone for over two years.
Men don’t talk to me. I’m not a relationship person.
No one is around to correct these things you’re so desperate to belie…