Showing posts from October, 2013

Mostly, You Just Make Me Mad

"Know the feeling that everything is completely falling apart and the only thing holding u together is fear of the unknown?"

He sent me a text message on Monday afternoon. I was still at work.
I had nothing to say. I felt relieved he was unhappy with his life.
'Pale Blue Eyes' was playing and it reminded me of the last time I actually saw him. 
Three years ago I had gotten off work around 10 at night. He was parked outside my house. 
I drove around the block and called a friend.
"What the fuck do I do?"
"Tell him you have plans with me," she said. "I'll buy you a drink."
"Shit, okay."
I parked my car and took a deep breath. As he began walking towards me I asked what he was doing here.
He shrugged and gave me a look I was supposed to understand. I don't remember quite how it happened but the three of us got in my car. I drove to the bar.
We sat on stools in front of the well. My girl friend went to the bathroom. I order…


It started with an Otis Redding tape. The rain was relentless and I could sense I was looking for company. When I came home from work, I found my spot on the couch. There was no one I really wanted to call, but I knew he would want to come over.
There was Chinese food and Black Sabbath in the living room. He knocked on my door an hour later, drunk and perspired.
“Looks like you’ve had a rough day,” I said.
He looked at me like I just kicked a puppy.
“I’ve been drinking since ten this morning.”
My mind became foggy and un-attracted, so I asked if he wanted a beer.
I went to the kitchen and did not want to leave.
He was sitting on my couch in 12-hour clothes. The smell of grease, sweat and booze absorbing the air.
I put on a movie and kept the lights on, hoping for a more sobering experience. When he announced he wanted to try to kiss me on the mouth later, I said nothing and stared at the television.
I could feel his eyes pausing toward me.
“What?” I said.
“You keep rolling your eyes at me,” he s…