#14

I am 25 years old. I am squeezing the teddy bear I've been sleeping with since I was born. My apartment smells like freshly baked cookies. My dog is looking up at me with her big brown eyes. I should be relaxed, but my arms are still slightly shaky. I wrote down what I am going to say and I am still anxious. I know I have to apologize, but am I forfeiting as well? Not really. But it is a difficult place to come to--realizing you have to give up a small part of yourself to admit your fault(s). I don't mind apologizing, and rising above the situation, it's just anticipating that she won't apologize to me that worries me. Why do I care so much? I don't really need an apology do I? I keep looking out the window and thinking I need to get over myself. Pride gets in the way of everything. Blind pride helps keep the red, white and blue stay true. My mind cannot stay still because I am waiting for her to call me back. I thought waiting for a boy to call was excruciating. I have no pizza rolls, no ice cream to comfort me.  I've got my grocery shopping improvements to keep me positive. Well that and the fact that hell decided to freeze over about a month ago when I got a boyfriend. That's right, I can ice skate to the copy machine now. Single girl foods no longer a priority, unless under the influence.

If you have never believed in the versatility of hand sanitizer, think again. I had only been here two months max. when my dog was running around the center and took a crap in my supervisor's office.  It was an accident, of course, and I was scrummaging around looking for cleaning supplies to take care of the situation. All the while, my supervisor keeps trying to give me hand sanitizer to clean up the mess. To begin with, the mess my dog made was pretty solid and barely made an impression on the carpet. And then there was the fact that she was convinced hand sanitizer would be a suitable solution to this problem. At least it wasn't Windex. To feed my boss' unique cleaning theory, as well as my curiosity, I used a small amount of the "cleaner." I was taken aback when all it did was give the carpet a fresh alcoholic aroma that it leaves on human hands. I expected a dancing flower to pop out singing me a song. At least, that's what my boss led me to believe would happen. Great expectations my ass.


Currently Reading:  The Help  Kathryn Stockett

Currently Watching: The Sopranos Season 3, King of the Hill Season 5

Comments

  1. Yeah, the Purell situation I still cannot wrap my head around. sighhhhh

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  2. Keep writing Lilly, you have a beginning of great career .Sunday morningI, am reading your entries and having some great bursts of laughter. For me that is very rare.

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  3. as in all your posts, I enjoy your style and humor and sadness..
    As for worries about life, I think more and more these days about just being a kind person- if we can do that, even if we mess up sometimes, even lose friends or really mess up something, you are still a kind person and people will like being around you. Often people tell me I smile all the time- I like this, and wish more peopled smiled a lot- not a fake smile, but a genuine smile of open-ness and interest in the world.
    Au revoir.

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