"you were pretty out of it."

I took a creative writing course in undergrad that had more influence on me than any other course I took during my time at Bellarmine University. I wrote my first piece the night before my first workshop. I sat in front of my laptop, wondering what the hell I had to say. What came out was a two-page story called “Sometimes,” which would later be changed to “Sometimes I Wish I Was a Smoker,” which would later just be called “Cigarettes.” I wanted to make sense of something that had recently happened with a man I had known since I was fifteen years old.
I was discreet with my information, not letting on the significant details that would turn the story much too personal. I was surprised when my classmates responded openly with high praise, so I kept writing about this man. I kept wanting to figure out what our relationship had been, if he was, in fact, a villain. Here is what actually happened that would inspire me to become a writer. I was about 21 or 22 years old, living in my first ap…

There Is No Normal

(This is a drunk movie review of the 1995 film Angus.)

4:45 pm I poured my first glass of wine. A Cabernet Sauvignon. Yellow Tail. Nothing but class in this household. Obviously, I bought two bottles. Never trust anyone who invites you over for a glass of wine and only has one bottle. FOR TWO PEOPLE.
5:40 pm I just packed a bowl and poured my second glass of really expensive bottom shelf wine. You should know, things have been kind of a bummer lately and I decided to today I needed to drunk review my favorite movie of all time, Angus. I’ll probably cry a lot because I always do. (side note: this 1995 classic is about a fat kid who is good at school and fair at football. He is a freshman in high school. He has a crush on a cheerleader named Melissa, the girl from Jurassic Park, and a dorky friend named Troy. There is obviously a bully who is a quarterback and guess what? IT IS JAMES VAN DER BEEK. Enough already, I fucking love this movie. It’s basically my MO.
5:50 pm I will forever love tha…