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Die Hard

(This is a drunk movie review of Die Hard.)

8:37 pm Before I press play, there are two things you should know. I’ve already had a bottle of wine. Secondly, saying I’ve never seen this movie before is true but it’s also kind of a lie. Let’s call it a half-truth. I rented this film some years ago with a boyfriend, and about ten minutes into the film, well, things got romantic. So, instead of watching Bruce Willis crawl around in an air duct I got laid. FAIR.
(side note: is it weird that I specifically remember asking my boyfriend to stop kissing me so I could watch Bruce Willis say “Yippie-Ki-Kay Motherfucker!”? We managed to CARY on quickly after that. Also, I miss that couch.)
8:55 pm Okay. It’s time to press play.
8:58 pm Is this why it’s a Christmas movie? Because there are lights inside of an office building? On Christmas Eve? Oh. Who has a holiday party on Christmas Eve? That’s just poor planning.
9:05 pm Oh, I’m sorry Bruce. Did your wife go back to her maiden name? She’s no Demi Moore.
9…

"you were pretty out of it."

I took a creative writing course in undergrad that had more influence on me than any other course I took during my time at Bellarmine University. I wrote my first piece the night before my first workshop. I sat in front of my laptop, wondering what the hell I had to say. What came out was a two-page story called “Sometimes,” which would later be changed to “Sometimes I Wish I Was a Smoker,” which would later just be called “Cigarettes.” I wanted to make sense of something that had recently happened with a man I had known since I was fifteen years old.
I was discreet with my information, not letting on the significant details that would turn the story much too personal. I was surprised when my classmates responded openly with high praise, so I kept writing about this man. I kept wanting to figure out what our relationship had been, if he was, in fact, a villain. Here is what actually happened that would inspire me to become a writer. I was about 21 or 22 years old, living in my first ap…