A Difficult Woman

I would imagine it would be difficult to date you. You seem like you’d be hard to please. What’s wrong with your face? You’re going to die alone. You’re too picky. Loosen up. You’re intimidating. You’re unapproachable.
So, I haven’t had sex in a year. I haven’t been in a relationship in close to six years. (Side note: If it hadn’t been for a barely-a-fling with an ex-boyfriend last fall, did you know I actually haven’t had sex in three years? With a different ex-boyfriend?) This is not the first time this has happened. Not to brag or anything, but I’ve gone two and a half years before without doing it. I am 32 years old.
I’ve made brief appearances on online dating, OK Cupid, Tinder. The last and final time I deleted Tinder was back in February while I was sitting on the toilet at work. I felt this was the most appropriate place for me to disengage with the art of swiping left as it was the most representative of my attitude towards the idea of a contrived love life. Once I deleted my p…

Pizza Time! Excellent!

I got drunk and watched the classic 1992 film Wayne's World. 

6:30 pm: I opened up a bottle of six-dollar wine. Sauvignon Blanc, obviously. (side note: do not under any circumstances try to order this kind of wine when dining at a Hooter’s. Maybe just don’t dine at Hooter’s.)
6:35 pm: I ordered Domino’s. Brooklyn style, with extra cheese. JUST FOR ME. (side note: I not so secretly love pizza night because of how happy it makes my dog Gigi. It seems redundant to tell you that I am single.)
7:27 pm: The pizza has arrived. I am no longer wearing pants. My mason jar is full of wine. Time to start the movie. (side note: happy to be in my underwear on my couch and not falling asleep to Iron and Wine at Waterfront Wednesday. I realize this makes me sound like Homer Simpson.)
7:30 pm: The Suck Kut. IT CERTAINLY DOES SUCK. Why don’t I have my own show? I feel like Wayne and I would really hit it off. Also, the guy who invented The Suck Kut reminds me of my creepy dentist who sexually harassed …

My First Relationship

(I think I've finally hit my humiliation button. This is a descriptive essay I wrote in the 9th grade about my first boyfriend from the year before. Somehow I received an A+ on this paper and it took a lot of willpower to get through re-typing this to share on my blog, so you're welcome? I'm sorry? Also, please note that I am 32 years old now and my heart has recovered. Thank you.)

Decemeber 6, 1999

To me, being with a guy who was "more than a friend" seemed frightful in the beginning. It was all very new to me. All it took was a gentle touch upon my body and I knew those were feelings I would never forget. The way he always seemed to place his warm, gentle hands in mine always made something in my stomach quiver.  I never thought I could ever be loved, but up until recently, I had been notified as to why I had been taken for five glorious months. 

They arrived at my door, all three of them. I had thrown on a pair of loosely fitting jeans that I had cut up on the bo…

Girls Rock!

The air in Headliners Music Hall was thick and warm. The summer heat was dancing its way into the presence of the Girls Rock Louisville showcase. What was once a two-day camp in 2014, has now become a week-long camp to empower girls and gender non-conforming youth by immersing themselves in the exploration of music in a supportive and creative environment.
Before the start of the show, I went to the bar to order a beer. While I was waiting for the bartender, a middle-aged man standing next to me introduced himself and asked if I had a kid in one of the bands. I awkwardly said no, but mentioned I had friends who did. I was there to support a community that actively encourages the kind of self-confidence in young girls that I had so desperately needed when I was their age.
My current Instagram handle is rockrgrl7, which dates back to days of teenage angst and AOL Instant Messenger. The name came from the feminist magazine ROCKRGRL, based out of California and was the first print magazine…